Chronic Pain

Spine inflamed hot to the very touch eyes bloodshot red 

Legs weak desperately trying to put one foot in front of the other 

Because I no longer want to be wheelchair bound 

I’ll learn to walk with grace and confidence 

Relearn to speak, eat and digest properly.

Relearn to go to the restroom on my own so no one has to swipe me constantly

How could I when accepting this when it's not how I came into this dimension

This is not how I passed through the womb into the current time 

I am ashamed

 On how I look today my body my flesh my shell shifts slightly 

To the side When I decide to step to embrace this unusual beauty 

Mhmm this is me When I approach the mirror with nothing but my skin reflecting back at me 

I am hesitant to accept this new reality 

Why me as if I haven’t asked myself a thousand times 

As if I wasn’t strong enough to bare the weight of being different 

It’s hurts 

My body was filled with extreme pain eyes swollen shut because this is too much for a 6-year-old me to understand too much for a 10-year-old me to handle too much for 14-year-old me to feel beautiful too much for an 18-year-old me to accept too much for 21 one year old me to finally realize not a damn thing is going to change 

I am scared of a foreign illness so powerful that almost had the strength to rid myself of my final breath in my final days

Ke'Nija Mugisha